Journal.

I don't blog as much as I would like to or used to, mostly because I don't really go on my laptop as much and I'm too lazy to type. I'd rather literally write, I guess. So I'm just gonna start a journal. I'll still keep this one to randomly update but for now I'm going to stick to the MoleSkine.

Dance With Me!

To the King of Pop

Rest In Paradise Michael Jackson

1958-2009

Havent' Blogged in a While

"The truth is...everybody is going to hurt you.

You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

-Bob Marley

...to be continued?
Probably not because I'll most likely get lazy.

Two Years.

It's been two years already.
Two years of everything from driving, sweating, dancing, long practices, long talks, pranks, eating, celebrating, road trips, laughing, and working our asses off.
I can't believe two years already passed. It's been a crazy ride and definately one that I will never forget. These 2 years taught me more about myself and other people than I expected. These two years gave me the realization that you can do what you need to while being able to do what you want. It gave me the motivation and the drive to show what I can really do and achieve.
We had our ups and downs, but that never took away from our love. Being able to share two years with these random, crazy, insane, gifted, talented, funny, amazing people is something I will hold on to for the rest of my life.
Even though this is the 'end', it really isn't. Two years isn't enough. There will defiantely be more great times in the future, but for now I'll just be saying my "See you later."
These past two years with Common Ground was such a big highlight in my life and I can honestly say that I love each and every single individual that was there during my stay. I can't describe what else I feel for this team..nahh..family, except that I love you CG and I'm so honored to be apart of this family and so so so sooo proud of what we have accomplished. I thank you all for having such an impact in my life and am looking forward to what lies ahead. I love you Common Ground. I'll see you later.


My first audition that got me into this family:

The first competition.


The last performace and my most proudest moment with this family and on stage.

Made For Each Other.

I enjoy simple things. haha.

In other news,

Goal for the next few weeks is:

One week down, a few more to go. Yeeh. I'll get this down even if it takes a few more bruises, wipe outs, and scrapes.

Secret Project.

Working on a Secret Project.
Yeeh.

And one more week until finals and less than two more weeks until Body Rock.
Icandoit.

Who said you can't have midterms and hell weeks at the same time and not have time for friends and the beach?
chyeee.
Icandoit.

Keep Me Going

It's funny how the people that you don't see as much

are the ones who help you the most.

C.L.A.P. Still going. '04.

Babies.

*stolen from Keith, made for Val's bday hah

A couple more weeks. Hanging in there.

Thank You.

Sore.

Things are pretty busy with school, practices, friends and I'm working my ass off, but it feels pretty good.
I'm trying to handle everything all at once and it's almost driving me crazy and taking a toll on my body, but I'm actually just fine.

Thank you for keeping me sane and helping me get through everything.
=]

Average.

Fuck My Life?..nahh..Fuck Your Life.

My Life is Average.

haha

MyLifeIsAverage
Life is pretty normal today.

Thanks Hideki for letting know about this site.

This is weirdly funny to me for some reason haha.

Stand By.

Sometimes you really need a big kick on the ass to remind you of your true and real potential.
And sometimes it takes one person to remind you of what you can really become.
It's weird being optimistic and pessimistic at the same time.
Just tell me when it's over and hopefully I keep my sanity.

Currently looking forward to:

and...

Island of Reality in an Ocean of Diarrhea.

EDIT: Just cuz the title of the blog is a little out of the ordinary, this is where it's from: At the end of the song (which got cut off in the youtube video below) there's a voice that leaves a message in an answering machine and it goes "Yo what's up man? I uh, I don't know i just wanted to say that uh, everything's cool with me now, I mean i just think, I think I'll always be funky, can't stop being funky, but I guess we just deal with it how it comes, deal with the humps, take the jumps, I feel like you're an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea. And I love you buddy. Ok. Bye."
Hope that makes more sense.

This one's for everyone. This song's been growing on me. So this is for all you guys, especially you best friend (according to my mom haha). Give me a smile!



Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

All the details in the fabric
All the things that make you panic
All your thoughts results of static cling?

All the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

All the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
All the things that make you panic
All your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

All the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
All the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

All the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
__________________________________________________

Also,
Happy Mother's Day =]
Thank you mom for still treating me like your baby, even though it gets annoying sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you!
It's days like these that make me grateful that I'm alive.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there.

Sooner or Later..

This is how it usually works for me: Good things happen, then later on, something happens that makes me feel like shit.

I've always been skeptical about good events in my life because I know something as bad or worst is going to come along. I think it's that time again. I don't know, something happened lately that just got me completely lost and confused on what I really want and see for myself. I just want one thing to just finally work out the way I wanted it to. I want to be fine and just be myself, whoever that really is because sometimes I don't even know.
I also think that I get disappointed too easily, I always try my hardest to expect the least, but in reality I don't.
I'm used to figuring shit out for myself and dealing with everything on my own, but I don't know if it worked out because everytime I feel like this it just gets worst and builds up. Oh well..
I'm tired and I hate doing this to myself, so I'll stop writing now =]. Goodnight!

Ahhh No Emo. I'll take care of it. haha

FIRST Place Mannnn

1st Place in Ultimate Brawl. =] Yelled too much and lost my voice. So proud of these people and can't wait for Body Rock.

2nd Place: CADC
3rd: PAC Modern

Congrats to everyone!
Check out the awards ceremony...haha Chris and Leo got pwned!! LOL



...will post the video when someone uploads it.

Art for a Dollar.

"Critically acclaimed tattoo artist, Scott Campbell, recently showed his work at the O.H.W.O.W. gallery in Miami, FL. The highlight of the evening was a series of laser-cut etchings, each on a stack of $1 bills. The collection is entitled “Make It Rain” and shows a sampling of the artist’s dark and beautiful undertones."

Check the story: http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22155/72017

Waste of money or new use for $1 bills?
Random.

PS: May 1, 2009. Summer here I come! =]

Things to do Before I Die.

I'm making this my lifetime goal:



To do that all over the world would be one of the best parts of my life. I love it. I think it's one of those things that you can't help but feel good about. It makes me want to live =] Let's do this!

Yes, Keith posted this on his blog and yes, it was because we were talking about Shawn's video. haha. Good night. I need to study >_<

GoldinUniverse.com

Hah, check it out.

Name: Rob
Date: 4/29/2009
Colorgenics Number: 12043675


You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.
All of your dreams and hopes have not materialised and consequently you are unsure of which way to go. This uncertainty has led to considerable stress but you have sufficient 'strength of mind' to overcome this state of affairs although it will take some time.
You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.
You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.
You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

My Workshop Videos

Not bad for figuring it out the night and morning of. haha.

Me and Neil


Boys:


Girls:



Check check check it...

Plus points for Japan.

Random find of the night:



Japan ftw.

Holllerrrr =]

...make me believe you.

Fusion Hip Hop Dance Competition

1st: Choreo Cookies

2nd: CADC

3rd: Common Ground. =]

I'm so proud of and amazed by these people right here:

I love you guys!

Still can't explain how good it felt hearing the team's name being
announced during the awards presentation. =D

Les Miserables

"I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high,
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used,
And wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung,
No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
As they turn your dreams to shame.

And still I dream she'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms
We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed."

Rule #2: No emo. haha

Story of my life..

haha jk, not really. lol

...btw, class got cancelled so my prof. is lecturing through a virtual chatroom? Weird. I feel like I'm in the future. I don't think I like it.

I want one..

By the way,
I want one of these in my future house. haha.
Aquarium of the Pacific is amazing.
Next: More aquariums all over the country. =]

Procrastinating

You know when you can't remember something so small that it just bothers you for the longest time? Well, for some reason I thought about this video I saw years ago and couldn't put my finger on what it was called or how to search for it. But, I found it! haha. Enjoy.

...wtf?

Get me one. hahah. I'll stamp your forehead.

Sometimes...

"Sometimes we build up walls - not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."


I've been hearing advice like this over and over. Letting your guard down and letting people in is a very tough task to do. I think it's a pretty legitimate fear. I don't like being so close to people because of the fear of getting knocked down. I have a lot of things to work on myself, but I choose to deal with it on my own. It may or may not be a good thing, but that's just how I've been doing it. I also understand that with this behavior I occassionally push people away to prevent them from getting too close. I make excuses or occupy myself to prevent me from letting anyone in and convince myself that it's ok and just let the person go. Don't get me wrong, I'm very close to alot of my friends, even closer than I have been to any of my friends in the past. It's just that there's still a part of me that knows something's probably gonna go wrong or eventually they'll leave, but I understand people come and go, but the ones who stay are the ones who deserve to. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore, it's 4 in the morning and I have clinical in a couple hours. Maybe I just need to stop making excuses and just let it go, we'll see. I don't know if I'll ever let anyone knock my 'wall' down, maybe one day, but for now, you can just climb over it.

Sorry for the rambling, I needed to occupy my time because my sleep pattern doesn't work with my school schedule.

Easy to lose, a lot harder to gain.

trust 
/trʌst/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [truhst] ,
–noun
1.
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.
confident expectation of something; hope.
3.
a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
4.
the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
5.
something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge.



Through my experiences, trust is one of the hardest for me to give out. I can still stay I don't completely trust anyone, but maybe 1 or 2 of my friends. No one knows my whole story and I don't think I'll let anyone close enough to know. Call me paranoid, but that's just how I've been. Everything has proven me right and no one or nothing has stayed long enough to prove me wrong. Like it, hate it, that's just the way I am.

Striving.

"After a while you learn a subtle difference between holding a hand and changing a soul;
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security;
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises;
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child;
And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much;
So plant your own garden and decorate your soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers;
And learn that you really can endure, That you really are strong, and you really do have worth!"
-Anonymous.

Keep your head up kids. Give me a smile =]

Night naps fail.

Can't sleep anymore and taking naps at night is never a good idea.
I remembered this video being taken during CG's retreat, so enjoy the drunken stupidity:


No alcohol for lent is a lot harder than I thought. haha

Look up. Don't worry about a thing. Plain and simple.

Today was a pretty good day. Good friends, good times. Made me miss a few years ago and now I can't wait til the summer. I love the beach, the ocean, and water, period. I really should finally get in Marine Biology after I graduate. Watching and being in the ocean just made me feel better hah. Ok goodnight.

I didn't bring the good camera so you're gonna have to settle with my camera phone, haha.

Practice in the Hot Rooms.

I went to Irvine to visit and ended up doing more than I thought I was going to. Anyways, I should have brought the camera, so instead I took advantage of Carl's MacBook and this is what really happened during practice:


Did you know veterenary grad schools (4 years) costs an average $50,000 a year? Gdamn. Congrats and Goodluck Kim.
Random fact since talking about Kim reminded me of this: If a person is high in Potassium, causing dangerous cardiac dysrhythmias, you can inject insulin and glucose to lower the potassium level. haha.

Another fact of the day: Cirrhosis

• Cirrhosis is a chronic progressive disease of the liver characterized by degeneration and destruction of the liver parenchymal cells. It is the fourth leading cause of death in persons between 35-54 years of age. One type is Alcoholic Cirrhosis, also called portal or nutritional cirrhosis. The first change in the liver from excessive alcohol intake is an accumulation of fat in the liver cells. Uncomplicated fatty changes in the liver are potentially reversible if the person stops drinking alcohol.
  
• In cirrhosis, the liver cells attempt to regenerate following cell damage and necrosis, but the regenerative process is disorganized, resulting in abnormal blood vessel and bile duct structure. Eventually the irregular, disorganized regeneration, poor cellular nutrition, and hypoxia caused by inadequate blood flow and scar tissue result in decreased liver function.
  
• Early manifestations include anorexia, dyspepsia [heartburn], flatulence, nausea and vomiting, and change in bowel habits. In addition, fever, lassitude, abdominal pain, slight weight loss, and elargeent of the liver and spleen may occur.
  
  ...So, watch the alcohol kids. Goodnight.

Just Listen.

I don't want to make any decisions right now. So let me just reminisce so I don't make the same mistakes.

Incomparable. I'm glad you're happy. =]
-One hundred and one.

Yes, I do have a room.

Just because people rarely go to my house, doesn't mean I don't have one. haha here you go since you guys never see it and keep making fun of me. haha
Peace out. I'll blog later.

CG You Know! on three..

Everyday I wonder if I made the right decision.I miss you guys =]

Thoughts

So lately I've been thinking a lot.
Thinking of thoughts such as: did I do the right thing? Could I have done anything different? Should I have not? Should I? Why do I keep going when I already know what's going to happen? Who's still there? Who's going to save me if I can't? Where is this going? Where am I going? What am I supposed to do? Am I not being rational? What else? What should I be feeling? etc. etc.
I don't know why I'm completely confused. I thought I had everything under control. I was so sure of myself that I was completely fine recently, but suddenly these thoughts just come rushing in. I just don't know what I want anymore, everywhere. Well, there are still things I want, but some of those are ones I cannot have or is going to take a lot more work to obtain.
It's funny and annoying that I know what I shouldn't be doing or feeling, and yet, I still do and sometimes even more than before...ultimately leaving to an even more disappointment. I know I'm looking for the right things in the wrong places and what kills me is that I know it to begin with.
I would love to learn from past mistakes, but, for some reason, I usually don't. I should follow the advice I give to some people, haha.
I feel that I'm not making the best choices mainly because I just don't know anymore and don't know what I want. I guess I know what I want, but what I want isn't anywhere.
And no, this isn't just about relationships. It's just an overall perspective of what I see right now.
Don't get me wrong, not everything is bad. I'm grateful for the great things I have. They're [family and friends] are they only ones keeping me sane and keep me going. I appreciate everything and everything that has happened, good or bad. I guess I'm just waiting for myself to realize who I need to be and what I need to do or for someone that can show me who I can be and what I can do. hah. we'll see. So that's about half of what's bothering me...next half..some other time I guess. goodnight.

Blog #4

What do you do when most of what makes you comfortable in life just doesn't do it anymore?

hmm..

Sometimes you don't want to see things more clearly and would rather be kept in the ignorance of darkness.

Sleepless nights, endless thoughts.

So, I can't seem to sleep right lately. I don't know why, maybe because school and practices started and my body doesn't know how to adjust yet. I actually fell asleep after practice at around 2am, but woke up at 4:15am. I checked my e-mail and got even more woken up by an e-mail my professor sent about immunizations records I needed by tomorrow for clinicals, or else I get an F for the day...way to tell me last minute. So I searched all throughtout my drawers and folders for this one piece of paper that I didn't even find. So it looks like I'll need a trip to the hospital later to get a shot.

But anyways, during downtime at practice today I got to talk about what I wanted to do with my life with some people. It was weird how excited I got because at last I know what I want to do. I explained to a few people that after I get my Bachelor's in Nursing, I want to specialize in Emergency care and work in the ER or Pediatrics and work with kids. I don't mind working with adults either, so Med-Surg floor wouldn't be the worst place. I'm pretty excited. I was in Barnes and Noble earlier this morning, too, and saw books about pediatric care and emergency care and couldn't wait until I get to know what's in them. After working as an RN for a year or two or three, depending on whatever situation I am in, I would want to either (a) get a Master's or Doctorate in Nursing and become a Nurse Practicioner specializing in Pediatrics or family medicine, (b) become a traveling nurse and do just that, travel, and (c) [which is kind of weird] go back to school and get a degree in Marine Biology.
Marine biology was something I wanted to do before but just never had the courage, I guess, to do it. I love aquariums and wouldn't mind at all if I worked in one. I love everything about marine biology, except for deep water. I'm actually terrified of the deep sea. If I ever get stranded in the ocean at night with nothing, I would kill myself. I can't stand the thought of just floating in the ocean at night, or daytime, whatever, and not knowing what's around you. Other than that, I really want to be a marine biologist, training dolphins, knowing about life under water, etc. Is that weird? I'm not sure, haha.
When or if I accomplished all those goals, I would also like to become a teacher. Maybe teach nursing students or whoever I will be able to.
It may be a lot to do and may also be a rough challenge, but I believe I'm up for it. It will definately be worth it =].

I don't know what to write yet, so I'll just put up my winter quarter schedule =P

Monday:
Glendale Memorial Hospital- Between 10a-2p to pick a patient.
Practice @ UCI or Mission Viejo studio- 8p-12a

Tuesday:
Glendale Memorial Hospital Clinical- 645a-3:30p
Study 5p-8p [Hopefully!]

Wednesday:
Glendale Memorial Hospital Clinical- 6:45a-1p
Practice @ UCI or Mission Viejo studio- 8p-12a

Thursday:
Class at Cal State LA- 11a-2p
Study 5p-9p [Hopefully]

Friday:
Prep for Thursday's lecture by reading ahead.

Saturday:
Same as Friday.

Sunday:
Practice @ UCI or Mission Viejo studio- 8p-12a

Blog #1

Seeing things more clearly...

to be continued.