Sometimes...

"Sometimes we build up walls - not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down."


I've been hearing advice like this over and over. Letting your guard down and letting people in is a very tough task to do. I think it's a pretty legitimate fear. I don't like being so close to people because of the fear of getting knocked down. I have a lot of things to work on myself, but I choose to deal with it on my own. It may or may not be a good thing, but that's just how I've been doing it. I also understand that with this behavior I occassionally push people away to prevent them from getting too close. I make excuses or occupy myself to prevent me from letting anyone in and convince myself that it's ok and just let the person go. Don't get me wrong, I'm very close to alot of my friends, even closer than I have been to any of my friends in the past. It's just that there's still a part of me that knows something's probably gonna go wrong or eventually they'll leave, but I understand people come and go, but the ones who stay are the ones who deserve to. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore, it's 4 in the morning and I have clinical in a couple hours. Maybe I just need to stop making excuses and just let it go, we'll see. I don't know if I'll ever let anyone knock my 'wall' down, maybe one day, but for now, you can just climb over it.

Sorry for the rambling, I needed to occupy my time because my sleep pattern doesn't work with my school schedule.